Another couple months down…

This past month or two has flown by. Things have been crazy busy!! I had my tonsil and adenoids taken out…WORST PAIN EVER! I was thrilled to get that over with, but am concerned that they are still going to have to remove my sinuses. I have been trying to pick upside jobs here and there, which is a feat in itself…My summer is filling up fast and I of course still have to work my regular job. haha.

  My mom also moved back to Ohio…we got into a small argument a couple weeks ago and I haven’t spoke to her since…I love not having to worry, but I wish that was totally true. I feel guilty, although I don’t really know why. She is mean, and hurtful with her words and never can listen to reason. She never listens or takes responsibility for her own actions, not to mention it is ALWAYS everyone fault but her own. I know things aren’t over…but besides the guilt I am trying to get past I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. She thinks I turned Madison against her…but I was the one that kept telling Mad that she needed to have some form of relationship with her. Oh well, I am sure there will be more to that story.

  Memorial day weekend was great! I actually got out of the house for more than running errands, working for others or taking Mad somewhere. I got to spend some time with my niece, nephew and sister friend. We went to Campbell’s popcorn shop and got a few treats. Madison and I got our family photos done. The 25th was 2 years since I have had my favorite guy and best friend. I can’t believe it’s been that long. and to end our long weekend we go to spend some time wit my Uncle Greg.

 I can’t even believe it is almost June, and summer…I want to do so many things and I don’t have enough time or money to do most of it. I am going to try and write more…but, we shall see!

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The very first day of April…

So, by this time now I am doing much better with writing 2013. In fact it comes pretty easy now. Sometimes if I think about it too long I still can’t believe that it is already April of 2013…how crazy is that. I have been working hard on being a better me. I have lost some weight and am hoping I can keep losing and not get discouraged. I get my tonsils out in a week(ish) and although I am NOT looking forward to it, I am hopeful that I will feel better once I heal. Easter was good, low key…but fine. My mother is moving back around the 15th of this month….Hmmmm, not sure what to think about that. and my dad and I are good…but had a tad of a rough patch over the weekend. All in all things are crazy busy as always, but good. Oh, and Madison is good. She will be a lifeguard by summer. I am excited for her on that! Until next time…

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Way Back Wednesday

I miss my buddy Shamrock all the time. She was the best dog ever! <3

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Riley was so tiny…I can’t believe she is 3 years old now…how time fly’s! 

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Kids weekend with Aunt Sarah

      I loved having my niece Riley and nephew Evan over this past weekend. We had so much fun. Riley said her favorite part was “eating cereal in Aunt Sarah’s bed”…(how simple is that). I have to say I had many favorite parts, but to name a few:

~I loved taking the kids to Holden, Riley loved throwing rocks in the pond, and splashing so carefree in the puddles, which I let her do for a bit, but sadly I had to stop her because it was freezing out…but normally I wouldn’t. She could have stayed forever, not caring in the slightest that she was cold. She was having a blast!

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~ I also loved spending “alone time” with Evan. He had such a stuffy nose so he was up at 3am. He was in a fine mood…just couldn’t breath lying down I think. I wasn’t even upset that I was up…it was so cute to snuggle and play with him. He was up for a few hours…and I enjoyed every minute of it. 

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~ I also loved snuggling with Miss Riley before bed, I forgot how much I missed that. When she was little she loved to snuggle and would fall asleep in my arms or on my chest all the time…and then she grew. We watched Magic School Bus together, and talked about our day. I brushed her hair and made her a “special” snack of popcorn and m&m’s. She of course wanted to sleep in her own spot, so we pulled the mattress off of Sin’s bed and made it up for her in the living room. 

 

 I had so much fun with them, but couldn’t believe how much work it was with 2 children under the age of 3. I was in Aw of parents that do this all the time and more in Aw of people that have more than 2. I would of course love to be a parent and didn’t mind the work, but every time I watch them, and this time having them over night…I am always amazed that my sister-friend does this everyday…plus works, and cleans, and all the stuff that I do everyday . I kind of even felt bad about complaining about my long days…I mean, I will still complain, but I still felt a little bad. Haha.

  Either way it was pure joy spending time with them and I can’t wait to do it again! <3

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You can only change you.

I am far from perfect, but you have to accept others for who they are. You only have control over you…you can not go into ANY relationship, be it friendship, marriage or other thinking you can change someone. I know I struggle with this every day. It’s hard to walk away from a parent or family member…but each day I will still know; I will never be able to change unless I am the one changing.

 

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Way Back Wednesday…

ImageMad was like 14 in this picture. She hates this photo…but i really love it!

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“My kids” when I was there Nanny.They are 10 and 8 now. Boy do I miss them ever so much! Best job EVER!

 

 

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Offensive or not?

I have been really trying (I am sure I can actually try harder), to get healthy. I haven’t really talked about it much, mostly because I am embarrassed about my weight. I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise more. You would think that more often than not a person is fat because they over eat. That is actually NOT the problem for me. I actually don’t take in enough calories. I usually only eat once a day, and when I do it is usually the closest thing to me because I am starving at that point. A lot of the time I work 12 to 16 hour days, so some of it is laziness on my end. I often feel like I don’t want to come home after a long day and “workout”. but…I know I need to be healthier. my body doesn’t seem to be holding up as well as it should at my age, and no matter how I look at it I truly think my weight and unhealthy eating habits are partly to blame. 

   The other day I was talking to the CIO of the Hospital I have been working at (our client). SHE asked if I was “expecting”…. obviously I am not. I handled it better than i thought I would…my response back was simply “Nope, just fat”.  I was embarrassed  especially since she said it right in front of one of my employees. Not only do I already feel disgusted with my weight, but the baby thing is a true sore spot in my life (and an entirely different post on it own. lol). 

I joked around about it with my co-workers and actually have been ever since. People, women especially should know better. Fat people already are treated differently  discriminated against, and made fun of. Most people have NO idea what that person is or has gone through. Most people assume they are pigs, or gross. I know I look at myself badly for being fat. I was told at a young age that “if your fat, noonewill like you”; :”you won’t have any friends”. Well, I believed this for a LONG time. Even going so far to be skinny that I had to seek treatment. What the treatment facility failed to realize is…what happens once your not in need of the treatment anymore? You have the same bad habits, you still have the same mental block…but now I am the opposite. 

  I just want to be loved and supported like anyone else. I don’t want to make an excuse for my weight or have to explain to each person my problems losing it. People should just take a minute to think…

   I know this women would NEVER try and hurt someones feelings. In fact she is a really wonderful person and was probably just excited about the thought of a possible baby…but you never know what someone is going through. I know I learned at a young age to think before I speak…and still make some mistakes… but I really try to look beyond someones looks, weight and flaws and love them, encourage them, and support them regardless!

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…Okay so it does look like I am pregnant. but still…that’s not the point! 

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